Today I saw a patient about whom I had written a piece a few months ago, “Bipolar Disorder Broken”.

She became paraplegic about three years ago after a massivie disc rupture at L3-4 above a prior L4-S1 fusion.  She has had multiple medical problems associated with her paraplegis in addition to suffering chronic pain in her back and legs.  Working through the phases of the DOCC project has resulted in a significant decrease in her pain.  Unexpectedly, her bipolar disorder of over 40 years disappeared and she discontinued her medications.  The key was addressing her deep anger.  The transformation was dramatic.  She says that she is happier now in a wheelchair than she was bipolar and walking.

I have been seeing her monthly for several years.  Over the last several months, we had entered the goal-setting phase of her rehab.  She had been interested in interacting with other women who are wheelchair-bound.  This fall, she was able to purchase a laptop computer and start pursuing her dream.  However, last Monday, she called my assistant and told us that she was not going to be seeing me anymore. My first response was to wonder what I had done to upset her.  She has truly been an inspirational person, so I gave her a call to ask why she no longer wanted to see me.

What happened was this: her family from the Midwest joined her for Thanksgiving; instead of being excited and supportive of her transformation, they destroyed her.  They told her that there was no use in reaching out to other paraplegics.  They also reminded her that she had been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder since she was 12 years old and told her that the disorder is incurable.  Finally, the family instructed the patient to stop seeing me.

The family environment that contributed to her becoming bipolar was now focused on keeping her that way.  Her deep changes were upsetting to her family because there was a major redefinition of roles taking place.  She had been the sick one. If she could create this depth of insight and healing, why couldn’t they do the same?

When she was in her own familiar patterns, which were based on anger, she could not see her anger or their anger.  Today she saw it as clear as day.  She has not been chronically angry for over a year and was moving forward quickly.  To see the people you love being angry is extremely distressing.

Family patterns are passed down from generation to generation.  From birth to age 12, your family environment is “downloaded” into your brain. It is your database for the rest of your life and also your frame of reference. What are your patterns?  Are you being held back by your own patterns that you cannot recognize?  Are you unconsciously making sure that the people close to you maintain a certain familiarity, even though it may be destructive?  Do you have control issues?  Do you feel controlled?  (For more on this, you might want to check out My Interpretation of Hoffman.)

You have to wake up.  Your life will not get better until you become aware of your behavioral patterns and the impact they have on those around you.  If you are chronically angry, you cannot see anything clearly.

I had a great discussion with that patient today.  She will continue to see me. This phase of breaking free of her family patterns will be challenging.  In order to break free like she has though, you must first recognize that you are trapped.  She is experiencing a significant step, one that I’ve talked about before in “ Anger: The Continental Divide.”

Personally, I have never understood how strongly these family patterns could hold you down.  I thought her family would have been ecstatic. She is happy for the first time in her life.  Her family is not.

NH, BF