Any time your sense of well being or peace of mind is dependant on external factors, you are at the mercy of those circumstances.  For instance, if you feel the need for approval from your boss or peers, then you have given them a lot of power if they withhold their approval; consciously or unconsciously, they often do.

We are conditioned by our society to believe that the more we experience or possess, the happier we will be.  This includes having less pain.  At some deep level, we all know that this is not completely true, but we still hold onto the myth.  I am not saying you should enjoy a bad experience.  If a situation is bad, there is no use in pretending otherwise.

The issue is that that we do have a choice in how we respond to our adversity.  If we choose to remain in an angry reactive state of mind, then the energy you need to solve your problem is quickly drained.

It is critical in your life to switch your paradigm to being connected to who you are regardless of your circumstances and then move forward with conviction on YOUR terms, not the terms of those around you.  If you are anxious and angry, you are not connected to anything.

One evening while watching the news, I came up with a metaphor that has helped me understand how I could better relate to my life stresses and remain in a peaceful state of mind.

I was watching the report of the progress of hurricane Gustav as it approached New Orleans.  The eye of a hurricane is quiet. The winds are the strongest at the periphery. As I watched the satellite and radar pictures a metaphor evolved.  The whirling wind represented my repetitive racing thoughts.  As I become further away from my “center” the greater the impact these thoughts have on the quality of my day.  My historic coping mechanism would be to try to slow down or suppress these thoughts.  It took a lot of energy and I was unsuccessful.  As I became drained, the thoughts would race even faster.

I often use “active meditation” as my first tool.  I pull myself into the present moment and just watch the thoughts whirl.  I have spent no energy identifying with them and can then enjoy my day.

The same analogy works for situations that arise throughout the day.  Most of our life circumstances whirl around us. We expend much energy trying to control them. It requires an immense effort to stop a hurricane, and you are not going to win.

As you use your tools to pull yourself into the center and just deal with one issue at a time, you will have the internal strength to do so successfully.

While your thoughts race around your head, become fully aware and centered. Then, you will be at peace.

Check out more of my thoughts on this in “Staying in the Storm.”

BF