Breaking Loose
Today I saw my patient back. I had written a piece about her a few months ago, “Bipolar Disorder Broken “. She granted me permission to write the article.
She became paraplegic about three years ago after a massivie disc rupture at L3-4 above a prior L4-S1 fusion. She has had multiple medical problems associated with her paraplegis in addition to suffering chronic pain in her back and legs. Working through the phases of the DOCC project has resulted in a significant decrease in her pain. Unexpectedly her bipolar disorder of over 40 years disappeared and she discontinued her medications. The key was addressing her deep anger. The transformation was dramatic. She is clear that she is happier now in a wheelchair than she was bipolar and walking.
I have been seeing her monthly for several years. Last Monday she called my assistant and told us that she was not going to be seeing me anymore. My first response was to wonder what I had done to upset her. She truly has been an inspirational person so I gave her a call to ask “why?”
Over the last several months we had entered the goal-setting phase of her rehab. She had been interested in interacting with other women who are wheelchair-bound to improve the quality of their lives. This fall she was able to purchase a laptop computer and start pursuing her dream.
Her family from the Midwest joined her for Thanksgiving. Instead of being excited and supportive of her transformation they destroyed her. They told her that if she began to reach out that she might lose her disability. (She is paraplegic). They reminded her that she had been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder since she was 12 years old and that is incurable. They instructed her not to come back and see me.
The family environment that contributed to her to becoming bipolar was now focused on keeping her that way. Her deep changes were upsetting to her family because there was major redefinition of roles taking place. She had been the sick one. If she could create this depth of insight and healing why couldn’t they do the same?
When she was in her own familiar patterns, which were based on anger, she could not see her anger or their anger. Today she saw it as clear as day. She has not been chronically angry for over a year and was moving forward quickly. To see the people you love being angry is extremely distressing.
Family patterns are passed down from generation to generation. From birth to age 12 your family environment is “downloaded” into your brain. It is your database for the rest of your life and also your frame of reference. What are your patterns? Are you being held back by your own patterns that you cannot recognize? Are you unconsciously making sure that the people close to you maintain a certain familiarity although it may be destructive? Do you have control issues? Do you feel controlled? My Interpretation of Hoffman
You have to wake up. Your life will not get better until you become aware of your behavioral patterns and the impact they have on those around you. If you are chronically angry you cannot see anything clearly. Phase II: The diguises of anger
We had a great discussion today. She will continue to see me. This phase of breaking free of her family patterns will be challenging. You must first recognize that you are trapped. She is experiencing a significant step. Anger: The Continental Divide
Personally I have never understood how strongly these family patterns could hold you down. I thought her family would have been ecstatic. She is happy for the first time in her life. Her family is not.
NH
